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[Page 2] THE GIFTS OF Imperfection [Page 3] THE GIFTS OF Imperfection Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W. [Page 4] Hazelden Center City, M innesota 55012 hazelden.org © 2010 by Brené Brown All rights reserved. Published 2010 Printed in the U nited States of America No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise—without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Brown, C. Brené The gifts of imperfection : let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are / by Brené Brown. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-1-59285-849-1 (softcover) ISBN 978-1-59285-989-4 (eBook ) 1. Self-acceptance. 2. Self-esteem. I. Title. BF575.S37B76 2010 158—dc22 2010016989 Editor’s note The names, details, and circumstances may have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned in this publication. This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals. 13 12 11 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 Cover design by David Spohn Cover illustrations by Nicholas Wilton Interior design and typesetting by Kinne Design [Page 5] To Steve, Ellen, and Charlie. I love you with my whole heart. [Page 6] contents Preface Acknowledgments Introduction: Wholehearted Living Courage, Compassion, and Connection: The Gifts of Imperfection Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough The Things That Get in the Way Guidepost #1 Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think Guidepost #2 Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism Guidepost #3 Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness Guidepost #4 Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark Guidepost #5 Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty Guidepost #6 Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison Guidepost #7 Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth Guidepost #8 Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle [Page 7] Guidepost #9 Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To” Guidepost #10 Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control” Final Thoughts About the Research Process: For Thrill-Seekers and Methodology Junkies Notes About the Author [Page 8] preface Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. Once you see a pattern, you can’t un -see it. Trust me, I’ve tried. But when the same truth keeps repeating itself, it’s hard to pretend that it’s just a coincidence. For example, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I can function on six hours of sleep, anything less than eight hours leaves me impatient, anxious, and foraging